Kids think everyone in Bible wore bathrobes and had beards.
Also think they all lived in same place at same time doing same things.
Tried teaching about Biblical cultures last month. Total disaster mostly.
The Egypt Problem
Told kids Moses grew up in Egypt not Israel.
Blank stares. What's the difference?
Egypt had pyramids. And pharaohs. And that's about all they knew.
Showed pictures of Egyptian stuff. Fancy headdresses. Gold everywhere. Hieroglyphics.
Kids more interested in mummies. Can we talk about mummies?
No we cannot talk about mummies. Focusing on Moses.
But Moses saw mummies right? Probably?
Don't actually know. Maybe. Egypt had lots of mummies.
Lesson completely derailed into mummy discussion. Kids now think Moses lived with mummies.
Close enough I guess.
Food Nobody Recognizes
Bible people ate fish and bread and grapes.
Kids: That's boring food.
Also ate dates and figs and lentils and stuff.
What's a lentil? Small bean thing.
What's a fig? Like a weird mushy fruit.
Why didn't they eat pizza? Pizza didn't exist yet.
Mind blown. World without pizza unimaginable apparently.
Made unleavened bread in class. Flat cardboard crackers.
Kids hated it. This is what they ate for Passover?
When you're escaping slavery you don't have time for bread to rise.
One kid said his mom's bread takes three hours in bread machine. How did Moses's mom make bread so fast?
Good question. No idea actually.
Another kid asked about birthday cake. Did Bible people have birthdays?
Probably? But not like ours. No Chuck E Cheese in ancient Israel.
Kids devastated by this information.
Houses Made No Sense
Showed picture of flat roof house.
Kids: Where's the triangle roof?
Don't have triangle roofs. Flat roofs.
But where does rain go? Rolls off edges I guess?
People lived on their roofs. Slept up there. Ate meals up there.
Why? Because it was cooler than inside.
Kids wanted to know about air conditioning. No air conditioning existed.
How did they stay cool? Suffered mostly. And used roofs.
One kid asked about wifi on the roof. Had to explain no wifi. No electricity. No phones.
Another kid asked where they charged their tablets. Nowhere. No tablets.
Kids processing world without technology. Not going well.
Wait so what did they do for fun?
Talked to each other probably. Played outside. Made up games.
That sounds boring. Maybe but that's what they had.
Travel Took Forever
Showed map of Paul's missionary journeys. All those lines going everywhere.
Looks like road trip. Actually took years.
Years? To go that far?
No cars. No planes. Had to walk or ride donkey or take boat.
Kids horrified. What if you had to pee?
You just went. Different times.
What if you got bored?
Too bad. You were bored.
Did they have snacks? Probably brought some food?
What kind of snacks did Paul eat? Don't actually know Paul's snack preferences.
Kids decided Paul probably ate beef jerky. Not accurate but let it go.
One kid asked if donkeys had seatbelts. They did not.
Another wanted to know about rest stops. Also didn't exist.
Starting to think this lesson was mistake.
Money Looked Weird
Showed pictures of denarii and shekels.
Kids thought they were chocolate coins. Very disappointed when explained they're real money.
Why is there a face on it? Same reason our money has faces. Important people put faces on things.
Whose face? Depends. Sometimes emperor. Sometimes king.
Can you buy stuff at Target with denarii? No. Wrong country and also two thousand years too late.
How much is a denarius worth? Maybe five bucks? Ten bucks?
Honestly don't know exact conversion. Not an economist.
Told them about widow's two coins. She gave everything she had.
Kids: That's dumb. Now she has no money.
Well yes but also she trusted God to provide.
My mom says don't give away all your money. Your mom is smart. Widow was making specific sacrifice.
Too complicated. Moved on.
Languages Were Confusing
Jesus spoke Aramaic not English.
Kids: What?
Bible is translated. Someone turned Aramaic into English for us.
Why didn't Jesus just speak English to begin with?
English didn't exist yet.
Kids struggling with this concept. How did English start then?
That's a different lesson. Maybe never.
One kid asked if Jesus knew Spanish. Her abuela speaks Spanish.
Probably not Spanish. But he knew multiple languages.
Kids impressed Jesus was bilingual. More impressed by that than anything else.
Another kid wanted to know if disciples knew sign language. Don't think so?
But what if someone was deaf? How did they learn about Jesus?
Excellent question. Don't have answer. Maybe they figured it out?
Kids not satisfied with that answer. Me neither honestly.
Too Many Groups
Pharisees were religious rule followers.
Sadducees were different religious people.
Romans were the government.
Kids: Which ones were good guys?
Complicated. Some Pharisees were nice. Some weren't. Romans were in charge but not always fair.
Kids glazing over. Too many groups.
Simplified. Different groups didn't agree about things. Like at school.
Oh like how some kids like dodgeball and some think it's too dangerous?
Sure. Like that.
Good enough. Moving on.
Slavery Topic Disaster
Had to explain slavery in Bible different from American slavery.
But also not good. Slavery never good.
Kids know about slavery from school. Why is slavery in Bible?
Bible tells what happened. Doesn't mean God liked it.
Why didn't God just stop slavery?
Welcome to seven year old theology. Not qualified for this.
Sometimes God lets people make bad choices. And sometimes Bible shows us what not to do.
Kid seemed okay with that. I was sweating.
Another kid asked if slaves got paid. Some did kind of? Complicated.
This topic too hard. Should have skipped it.
Women Did Different Things
Women in Bible times did different jobs than men mostly.
Kids: That's not fair.
Correct. Not fair by our standards.
But some women did cool stuff anyway. Deborah was a judge. Esther saved everyone. Mary said yes to God.
Could women be disciples? Some women followed Jesus. Not called disciples but they were there.
Why not? Good question. Maybe because men wrote Bible and focused on men?
Kids annoyed by this. Also annoyed at Bible writers apparently.
Can relate honestly.
Made sure to mention women in stories after that. Don't skip the women.
Weddings Lasted A Week
Wedding parties went for seven days.
Kids: That's too long.
Probably was exhausting. But no TV or video games. Party for a week sounds better when bored.
What did they do for a week? Ate food. Danced. Talked. Celebrated.
For a whole week? Yes.
Kids cannot imagine celebrating anything for entire week.
Told them about Passover meal. Special dinner remembering God rescuing Israel.
What did they eat? Lamb and bitter herbs and flat bread.
Sounds gross. It's symbolic.
What's symbolic? Food represents something important. Helps remember the story.
Like birthday cake? Exactly like birthday cake.
Finally something clicked.
What Worked
Bringing real objects. Fabric samples. Food to taste. Pictures.
Connecting to their world. School groups like Bible groups. Birthday cake like Passover.
Admitting don't know everything. Kids appreciate honesty.
Letting them ask weird questions. How they process information.
What Didn't Work
Too much information. Brains full after ten minutes.
Complicated explanations. Pick one thing. Stick to it.
Acting like expert when not expert. Kids see through that fast.
Making different mean bad. Different just different.
Why Bother
Bible people were real people. Real places. Real cultures.
Not just bathrobe people from generic Bible land.
Understanding cultures makes stories make more sense.
Shows kids their way isn't only way. Bible already shows us that.
Makes Bible bigger. More real. More connected to actual history.
Random Things
Kids ask impossible questions. Why didn't God stop slavery? How much is a denarius?
Can't answer everything. Okay to not know.
Some kids love this stuff. Others just want to know if Jesus had a dog.
Both valid. Different kids care about different things.
The Truth
Teaching cultures is hard. Don't have all answers.
Kids probably still think everyone wore bathrobes. But maybe they wonder now what else was different.
Maybe they see Bible people as actual humans not flannel board characters.
Maybe they ask better questions about how people lived.
That's enough probably. Can't teach everything.
But can teach them to be curious. About Biblical cultures and other cultures.
Seems like something Jesus would want. The whole love your neighbor thing.
Now need to figure out how to explain phylacteries. Kid asked last week.
Still have no idea what those are really.
Probably googling that tonight.
