Teaching & Curriculum

Kids think everyone in Bible wore bathrobes and had beards. Also think they all lived in same place at same time doing same things. Tried teaching about Biblical cultures last month. Total disaster mostly. The Egypt Problem Told kids Moses grew up in Egypt not Israel. Blank stares. What'

My kids won't sing. Like literally won't open their mouths during worship songs. Standing there with a ukulele I bought for eight dollars at a garage sale. Eighteen kids staring at me like I asked them to perform surgery. One kid's picking dried glue

My kids hate devotion time. There, I said it. Emma rolls her eyes when I pull out the Bible and Jacob starts asking if he can go to the bathroom every thirty seconds. Last week Emma asked if we could just watch Veggie Tales instead because "at least the

Preteens are impossible. Like actually impossible. Last week one asked me why Moses didn't just use GPS to find his way out of the desert and I had no answer. They think everything adults do is stupid and they're probably right half the time. Talking Doesn&

So I'm sitting in this planning meeting and somebody goes "Let's do fancy dinner at that nice Italian place for volunteer appreciation!" Everyone's nodding like this is genius idea but I'm thinking about my actual volunteers. Jessica's got

It's 4:23 AM and I'm sitting in my car in the church parking lot because apparently I needed to physically return to the scene of my theological crime to process what I did wrong today. Also I stress-cleaned my entire apartment at 2 AM and

It's 2:43 AM and I'm hiding in my basement storage room eating stale birthday cake with a plastic spoon because apparently when you accidentally teach children that the Son of God was basically doing content creation in ancient Palestine your brain demands carbs and dark

Sitting here at 11:47 PM on Saturday night frantically googling "Bible lesson plans for kindergarteners" because I completely forgot to prep anything for tomorrow morning. This is my life apparently. Professional children's ministry leader who can't remember to plan lessons until the last

Marcus threw his rainbow at my face yesterday and told me God sucks. Just stood there with paint dripping off my glasses thinking what the hell am I even doing with my life. Kid's seven. His rainbow looked like someone barfed crayons but honestly most second grader art