So committee meeting last month and Bob goes "We should totally do parent-child retreat this year!" I'm like are you out of your damn mind? You want me take families away from their houses for whole weekend where they can't escape when little Timmy

Linda quit today. Just walked into my office and said she was done. No dramatic buildup or anything. Just sat down and dropped the bomb. Been staring at my computer screen for an hour trying to figure out how I let this happen. Linda's the one who makes

It's 4:37 AM and I'm fully clothed in my empty bathtub stress eating glazed donuts from the sketchy gas station down the street because apparently when you accidentally convince children that scripture requires choreography, your brain demands sugar and enclosed spaces. My cat is judging

So Marcus is bouncing off the walls during Bible time. Again. Kid literally cannot sit still for more than thirty seconds without fidgeting or getting up or bothering someone else. I'm trying to teach about loving your neighbors and he's under the table making race car

Church board looks at me and goes "We should host kids ministry conference this year." I'm sitting there thinking have you people lost your actual minds? We can barely keep our own kids from burning down building and you want me invite other churches watch our

So this woman comes up to me after service last week. Nice lady, new to church, wants to get involved. "I'd love to help with children's ministry," she says. "Great!" I say. "We always need people to help with kids."

Its 4:23 AM and I'm sitting in my bathtub fully clothed eating animal crackers because apparently when you accidentally teach children that salvation works like elimination TV your brain demands circus-shaped carbs and porcelain confinement. My cat is staring at me through the bathroom door like I&

Still picking burrs out of my socks from last Saturday's church picnic. Turns out the field I thought would be perfect for games was basically a nature preserve of prickly weeds and hidden holes. But kids had a blast. Even when half the planned activities turned into something

So last year's Easter egg hunt was like watching civilization collapse in real time. Fifty kids running around like they'd escaped from somewhere. Big ones literally stepping on little ones. Parents losing their minds at me because Timmy only found three eggs while Susie got seven.