Church board looks at me and goes "We should host kids ministry conference this year." I'm sitting there thinking have you people lost your actual minds? We can barely keep our own kids from burning down building and you want me invite other churches watch our

So this woman comes up to me after service last week. Nice lady, new to church, wants to get involved. "I'd love to help with children's ministry," she says. "Great!" I say. "We always need people to help with kids."

Its 4:23 AM and I'm sitting in my bathtub fully clothed eating animal crackers because apparently when you accidentally teach children that salvation works like elimination TV your brain demands circus-shaped carbs and porcelain confinement. My cat is staring at me through the bathroom door like I&

Still picking burrs out of my socks from last Saturday's church picnic. Turns out the field I thought would be perfect for games was basically a nature preserve of prickly weeds and hidden holes. But kids had a blast. Even when half the planned activities turned into something

So last year's Easter egg hunt was like watching civilization collapse in real time. Fifty kids running around like they'd escaped from somewhere. Big ones literally stepping on little ones. Parents losing their minds at me because Timmy only found three eggs while Susie got seven.

Been thinking about what makes some volunteers amazing while others just kinda exist. Sarah's been helping two years. Kids love her. Parents trust her. I never worry when she's around. Tom started same time. Shows up but that's about it. Kids barely know his

It's 5:17 AM and I'm sitting in my Honda Civic in the church parking lot eating discount Easter chocolate because apparently when you accidentally turn the most sacred moment in human history into a Playmobil drama your brain demands sugar and public shame locations. The

Tyler and Mason are fighting again. Of course they are. This time it's over who gets to hold the shepherd's staff for our David story thing. Both of them grabbing it yelling "I was first! No I was first!" I'm just standing

Pastor walks into budget meeting and drops bomb. "Kids ministry events budget getting cut by seventy percent." My stomach just falls through floor. Great now we can't do anything fun ever and kids gonna hate boring church while other places have bounce houses and catered everything.