Okay so last Christmas I literally hid in my pantry eating cookie dough at 6pm because my "simple" holiday party had turned into some kind of nightmare where nothing worked and I was pretty sure my guests were going to show up to find me sobbing into a casserole dish.
The ham was still frozen. THE HAM. Who forgets to defrost a ham??
Anyway, I survived, my friends still talk to me, and I learned some stuff. If you're planning a holiday thing and already feeling that familiar panic creeping in, maybe this will help.
Stop being crazy
First things first - nobody cares as much as you think they do. I know, I KNOW, that sounds mean but hear me out.
My neighbor throws these parties where she clearly spent like three weeks hand-folding napkins into tiny swans or whatever, and honestly? They're kind of stressful to attend. Everyone's afraid to touch anything. Meanwhile my cousin just throws some lights up, makes a giant pot of chili, and tells everyone to bring beer. Guess which party people actually have fun at?
Your friends want to hang out with YOU, not judge your decorating skills. If they're judging your decorating skills, get new friends.
Plan ahead but not TOO ahead
Here's what I do now and it actually works:
Three weeks out: Text people. Literally just "holiday party at my place Dec 15th, can you come?" Don't overthink the invitation. It's not a wedding.
Two weeks out: Figure out food. I usually do one main thing (crockpot something) and tell people to bring sides. Revolutionary, I know.
One week out: Buy alcohol and clean the bathroom. That's it. The bathroom thing is important because someone ALWAYS needs to pee and you don't want them seeing your collection of expired medicines.
Day of: Accept that something will go wrong and pour yourself a drink anyway.
Food is not that deep
I used to think I had to make everything from scratch or people would think I was lazy. Then I realized that literally nobody has ever said "wow this store-bought spinach dip really ruined the evening for me."
My current strategy is embarrassingly simple:
- One thing that smells good cooking (usually something in the slow cooker because I'm not stupid)
- Cheese and crackers arranged on whatever clean plate I can find
- Dessert from the bakery section at Kroger
- Way too much wine
That's it. That feeds like 15 people and takes maybe an hour of actual work.
Also pro tip: if you put hummus in a nice bowl instead of the plastic container, people think you're fancy. It's ridiculous but it works.
Last year I straight up ordered subway sandwiches cut into little triangles and put them on actual plates. Three different people asked for the "recipe." I'm not even kidding.
Your house is fine
I spent SO much money last year on decorations that I used for literally one party. So dumb.
You know what makes a house feel festive? Christmas music and good lighting. That's basically it. I have maybe $20 worth of string lights that I throw everywhere and some candles that smell like pine trees. Done.
The year my power went out during a party we just lit every candle I owned and it was honestly the most magical thing ever. Everyone kept saying how "atmospheric" it was. Sometimes disasters work out.
Oh and here's something nobody tells you - if you dim all the regular lights, people look better and your house looks cozier. It's like Instagram filter but for real life.
When stuff goes sideways
Because it will. Oh it definitely will.
My friend Katie's oven caught on fire during her Christmas party. CAUGHT ON FIRE. You know what happened? Someone called for pizza, someone else ran to get more beer, and it turned into this whole story that we still laugh about.
The secret is just rolling with it. If you freak out, everyone else freaks out. If you laugh and order Chinese food, suddenly it's an adventure.
I keep the pizza place's number saved in my phone now. Just in case.
Two years ago my upstairs neighbor's toilet leaked through my ceiling RIGHT onto the food table. Like, gross water dripping onto the cheese board. Instead of crying (which was my first instinct), I just moved everything to the kitchen counter and made jokes about it. People still bring it up.
Your reaction sets the tone. If you act like it's the end of the world, everyone gets uncomfortable. If you laugh it off, it becomes part of the story.
Actually be at your own party
This is the big one. I used to spend entire parties in the kitchen, frantically doing dishes and "checking on things" while my guests hung out without me. Which is insane when you think about it.
Now I make a rule: once people arrive, I'm done working. Plates are paper, drinks are self-serve, and if something needs cleaning it can wait until tomorrow.
My friends don't need me to wait on them. They need me to sit down and laugh at their terrible jokes and maybe play some ridiculous game that gets everyone arguing about the rules.
I started putting out a cooler with ice and drinks right by the door so people can grab stuff without even asking me. Game changer. Nobody wants to bother the host for a beer.
Also, if someone offers to bring something, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD say yes. Don't be a martyr. "Actually, could you grab some ice? And maybe some of those little napkins?" Boom, two less things you have to worry about.
The truth about hosting
Here's what nobody tells you: the best parties are kind of messy. People end up in the kitchen talking while you're putting food out. Someone spills wine on your couch. Your cousin's kids get into the cookie dough.
And that's... good? Those are the moments people remember. Not whether your appetizers were homemade or if you remembered to vacuum under the coffee table.
Last year my party "ended" at like 10pm but half the people stayed until 2am just talking and eating leftover cookies straight from the container. It was perfect and I didn't plan any of it.
The parties I think about years later aren't the fancy ones where everything was coordinated and perfect. They're the ones where something completely random happened. Like when my dog ate an entire wheel of brie while we were all outside looking at Christmas lights. Or when it started snowing so hard that three people had to sleep on my couch and we ended up making breakfast together the next morning.
Just do it already
Look, hosting is scary. There are a million things that can go wrong and Pinterest makes everyone feel like their parties need to look like magazine shoots.
But here's the thing - your people want to celebrate with you. They want an excuse to get dressed up (or not) and eat food they didn't have to cook and complain about their relatives in a festive environment.
The worst party I ever went to was at someone's house who was so stressed about everything being perfect that she spent the whole night apologizing and adjusting things. Nobody could relax because she couldn't relax.
The best party? Probably the one where the host burned dinner and we all ended up making grilled cheese sandwiches together while arguing about whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie.
Your friends aren't coming to judge you. They're coming to hang out. So hang out with them.
And if all else fails, there's always next year. But honestly? You're going to do fine. Just remember to actually enjoy the party you're throwing. You deserve to have fun too.
