Volunteer texted parent last month about kid's behavior. Didn't tell me. Didn't ask.
Parent was confused. I was blindsided. Volunteer thought helping.
Boundaries exist for reason. Volunteers cross them? Everyone suffers.
The Parent Texter
Some volunteers text parents about everything.
Kid had bad day? Text.
Kid forgot coat? Text.
Kid sneezed weird? Text.
Chaos. Pure chaos.
Parents getting messages from three different people saying three different things.
Had volunteer tell parent kid misbehaved all morning. Told same parent kid had great day. Because he did with me. Terrible with her though.
Parent goes "So which is it?" No idea what to say.
Made rule. All parent contact through me unless actual emergency. Like blood or fire.
Volunteer said felt like didn't trust her. Trust has nothing to do with it. Need one voice.
Still catches her texting parents sometimes. Have to remind her again.
The Rule Maker
Some volunteers just make up rules. On the spot.
Kid does something they don't like? New rule. Right there.
Had volunteer tell kid he couldn't come back next week because was too loud. Didn't ask me. Didn't tell me. Just banned him.
Kid went home crying told parents he's kicked out of church. Parents called pastor mad. Pastor called me confused. I'm sitting there like what?
Talked to volunteer. She goes "He needed consequences." Yes but you're not the one who decides that.
Kids need consistency. Can't have different volunteer making different rules every single week.
She didn't get it at first. Still doesn't totally get it honestly.
The Theology Expert
Some volunteers add their own stuff to lessons.
Kid asks about heaven? Volunteer gives entire personal theory about what heaven's like. As fact.
Had volunteer teach kids her specific political view as if Bible commanded it. It didn't. Was her opinion.
Three parents called that week. All mad. All asking why teaching politics.
Had to explain to volunteer that teaching other people's kids means you teach church's position not your position.
She felt censored. Said stifling her voice. No. Following the job description.
The Oversharer
Some volunteers tell kids way too much.
Their problems. Their drama. Their personal business.
Had volunteer tell seven-year-olds about her divorce. Details. How hurt she was. How angry.
Kids came to me after asking if she was okay. They were worried. They're seven. Shouldn't be worrying about adult's divorce.
Told her need to keep personal stuff private. She goes "I was just being authentic." Authentic doesn't mean dump your problems on children.
There's connecting with kids and there's using kids as therapy. Not same thing.
The Gift Bringer
Volunteer started bringing candy every week. Just showed up with it.
Kids loved it. Other volunteers felt pressure to bring candy too. Parents started complaining about sugar.
Then kid with allergy almost ate one. That was fun conversation.
Told volunteer no more gifts without asking first. She was hurt. Said was just being nice.
Being nice is great. Being nice without checking creates problems.
The Instagram Star
Volunteer posted picture of kid on her Instagram. Cute craft photo. Kid's face right there.
That kid's parents had specifically said no photos. No social media. Nothing.
Parents saw it. Called me furious. Threatened legal action.
Volunteer goes "I didn't know." Yeah because didn't ask.
New rule. No posting pictures of kids. Ever. Don't care how cute. Don't care how good the craft turned out.
One parent sues us? Ministry's over. Not worth it.
The Time Ignorer
Volunteer kept kids twenty minutes past dismissal once. Parents waiting in parking lot. Kids supposed to be out. She's still doing activity.
Parents panicked. Thought something wrong. Started coming in looking for kids.
Volunteer thought giving them extra time. Parents thought lost their children.
Dismiss on time. Every time. Not negotiable.
She still runs late sometimes. Have to go in and stop her.
The Outside Friend
Volunteer asked if could take kid to movies. Just her and kid. No parents.
Parent told me about it. Was uncomfortable didn't know how to say no.
That's a huge no. No taking kids places. No hanging out outside church. No texting kids during week.
Volunteer got offended. Said treating her like criminal. Not about you. About protection. Yours and theirs.
One accusation ruins everything. Boundaries protect everyone.
Setting Boundaries That Work
Tell them upfront. During training. Before they start.
Here's what you can do. Here's what you can't. Sign here that you understand.
Not because don't trust you. Because clear rules prevent problems.
When someone crosses boundary? Address it right away. Privately.
"That crossed a line. Here's why. Here's what do instead."
Not mean. Just clear.
When They Get Mad
Some volunteers get upset about boundaries. Say too many rules. Too strict. Don't trust them.
Too bad. Not changing boundaries because feelings hurt.
These rules protect kids. That's more important than volunteers being happy.
Had volunteer quit over boundaries. Said was too controlling.
Fine. Go. Rather lose volunteer than lose kid's safety.
Write It Down
When volunteer crosses boundary write it down. Date. What happened. What you said.
Next time happens? Have record. Shows pattern.
Had volunteer cross same boundary three times. Documentation showed it. Made decision to remove her easy. Had proof.
Get Pastor On Board
Make sure church leadership supports boundaries. Otherwise can't enforce them.
Had volunteer go complain to pastor about my rules. Pastor backed me up. Because we'd talked beforehand. He knew why boundaries existed.
If pastor doesn't support you? Can't do the job.
Why This Matters
Not being mean. Not being controlling.
Protecting kids. Protecting parents. Protecting volunteers. Protecting ministry.
Boundaries aren't fun. Necessary though.
What Helps
Gospel Project has volunteer guidelines. Sets expectations clear.
Kids Sunday School Place has basic rules for volunteers.
Grow Curriculum includes volunteer training stuff. Covers boundaries. Parent resources show parents what boundaries are too. Everyone knows what's happening.
Need something in writing. Can't just wing it.
The Truth
Some volunteers won't like boundaries. Think you're too strict. Too careful. Too whatever.
Don't care. Job isn't making volunteers comfortable.
Job is keeping kids safe.
Boundaries do that. Even when people mad about them.
Lost volunteers over this. Will lose more probably.
Still worth it. Every single time.
Because one kid getting hurt because didn't enforce boundaries? Can't live with that.
So boundaries stay. Like them or not.
