"Let's go around the circle and say our name and favorite color!"
Dead silence. Twenty third-graders staring at me like I just asked them to solve calculus. Madison starts picking at the carpet. Tyler's already halfway under the table.
That was my first Sunday teaching. I'd printed "icebreaker ideas" from the internet and figured we'd have fun getting to know each other. Instead I got to know what total silence sounds like.
Five years later and I finally have games that work. Games where kids actually participate. Even Tyler. Though he still tries to hide under tables sometimes.
1. The Shoe Pile Race
Everyone throws one shoe in the middle. Mix them up. Kids race to find their shoe and put it on. First three win.
Sounds dumb. Kids LOVE it. Last week Jayden wore his dad's boots to church just so he'd have an advantage. The boot was bigger than his entire leg. He still lost. Laughed the whole time though.
Works because nobody has to talk. Shy kids can participate without saying anything. And everyone's focused on the shoes, not staring at the new kid.
2. Human Rock Paper Scissors
Like regular rock paper scissors but with your whole body. Rock = crouch in a ball. Paper = stand wide like a starfish. Scissors = arms crossed like an X.
Play in pairs. Winners find new winners. Losers become cheerleaders for whoever beat them. By the end you've got two kids in the middle and everyone else screaming for their champion.
Emma's mom asked why her daughter came home teaching the family "full body rock paper scissors." I said it was for Jesus. She looked confused but whatever. Emma made friends.
3. Four Corners But Weird
Label corners: Pizza, Tacos, Hamburgers, Chicken Nuggets. Kids pick their corner.
Here's the twist - they have to convince one person to switch to their corner. "Tacos are better because you can put anything in them!" "But chicken nuggets have SAUCE OPTIONS!"
Last month two kids got into a legitimate debate about hamburger toppings. For ten minutes. Over pickles. New kid jumped right in defending onions. Boom. Instant friends.
4. The Sitting Circle of Doom
Everyone stands in a tight circle facing right. On "go," everyone sits on the knees of the person behind them. If done right, everyone's sitting and nobody falls.
We've achieved it exactly twice. Usually someone falls and takes down half the circle like dominoes. Kids beg to try again. And again. And again.
Marcus goes "Ms. Jennifer this is impossible!" But he's laughing. They're all laughing. Even when they fall. Especially when they fall.
5. Silent Birthday Line
Kids line up by birthday without talking. January at one end, December at the other. No words. Just gestures and frustration.
The chaos. THE CHAOS. Kids holding up fingers for months. Making calendar shapes with their hands. Lily just started pointing at everyone frantically.
Takes forever. They get it wrong half the time. But they work together. And nobody's put on the spot to share personal information. Plus I finally learned when everyone's birthday so that's helpful.
6. The Name Game With Actions
Say your name with a motion. Next person does your name/motion then adds theirs. Keep going until someone messes up.
"I'm Jennifer" jazz hands "She's Jennifer" jazz hands "I'm Aiden" dab "She's Jennifer" jazz hands "He's Aiden" dab "I'm Sarah" spin
By the tenth kid it's impossible. But they try SO HARD. And shy kids can do tiny motions. Michael just wiggled his fingers. Counted. He participated.
7. Would You Rather (Kids Edition)
"Would you rather have spaghetti for hair or maple syrup for blood?"
They move to different sides of the room based on choice. Then explain why. The explanations. Oh my word the explanations.
"Maple syrup blood because then mosquitos would leave me alone but also I'd be sticky inside?"
Deep theological discussions have started from "Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?" Don't ask me how. But they did.
8. Ball of Yarn Web
Throw a ball of yarn to someone. Say something nice about them. Hold onto your piece. Keep throwing until everyone's connected in a web.
Sounds sweet. Gets violent. Kids trying to catch yarn like their life depends on it. Nathan threw it so hard it knocked off Emma's glasses. But she said he had cool shoes so it worked out.
The web looks terrible. Tangled mess. But everyone's connected and they said nice things. Even if "you're good at making fart sounds" counts as nice.
9. Two Truths and a Lie (But Fast)
Three statements. Two true, one false. Other kids guess the lie. But here's the thing - make it FAST. Five seconds to think. Go.
"I have a dog, I ate pizza for breakfast, I can do a backflip."
Kids get ridiculous when they can't overthink. "I've been to Mars" was Brooklyn's lie last week. Obviously. But she said it so confidently that Tyler believed her.
Quick rounds. Everyone goes multiple times. Shy kids can say simple stuff. Outgoing kids get wild. Both work.
10. The Skittle Game
Pass around Skittles. Take as many as you want. THEN tell them each color means sharing something different. Red = family. Green = hobby. Yellow = school. Purple = favorite thing. Orange = dream.
The panic when they realize they took 47 Skittles and now have to share 47 things. Jacob took handfuls. HANDFULS. Took him twenty minutes to share about his seventeen family members, twelve hobbies, and how he wants to be a "ninja scientist."
But they can choose easy topics. "My family has humans in it" technically counts. Grace said that. I allowed it.
11. Duck Duck Goose But Actually Fun
Normal duck duck goose but the goose has to answer a question before they can chase. "What's your favorite ice cream?" "VANILLA!" runs
Keeps it from being just about speed. Gives everyone a moment. And you learn important information like how many kids think mint chocolate chip is disgusting (too many).
Sophie has asthma. Can't run fast. But she knows her favorite ice cream QUICK so she gets a head start. Levels the playing field.
12. Telephone Pictionary
Like telephone but with drawing. First person draws something. Next person guesses and writes it. Next person draws what they wrote. Alternating until the end.
Started with "Moses parting the Red Sea." Ended with "A banana fighting a swimming pool." HOW? Nobody knows. That's the beauty.
Everyone participates. Can't draw? You're writing. Can't spell? You're drawing. Everyone fails equally. It's perfect.
13. The Mummy Wrap Race
Teams wrap one person in toilet paper. First team to use the whole roll wins.
We go through SO MUCH toilet paper. But they cooperate. They strategize. "No, wrap the arms separately!" "Do the head last!"
Oliver stood completely still for his team. OLIVER. Who never stops moving. Ever. His team wrapped him in record time. He was so proud. Couldn't see anything but he was proud.
14. Beach Ball Questions
Write questions all over a beach ball. Throw it. Whatever question your thumb lands on, answer it.
"What's your weirdest talent?" "If you were a vegetable, which one?" "What sound do you hate?"
The ball goes everywhere. Hit the ceiling fan once. Knocked over my coffee twice. But kids actually want to catch it. They WANT to answer. Even the weird questions. Especially the weird questions.
15. Copy Cat Circle
Stand in a circle. One person in the middle closes their eyes. Point to someone to be the leader. Everyone copies the leader's motions. Middle person opens eyes and guesses who's leading.
Sounds calm. It's not. Leaders get ambitious. Full body movements. Jumping jacks. That spinny arm thing. Everyone's copying frantically trying not to get caught.
David figured out if you don't look directly at the leader it's harder to guess. Smart kid. Now everyone does that. Made the game harder. Also better.
Why These Actually Work
Here's what I figured out: kids hate being put on the spot. They hate sitting still. They hate sharing deep feelings with strangers.
So don't make them.
Let them move. Let them be silly. Let them participate without having to bare their soul to the group.
That new kid? The one hiding behind mom? They're not ready to share their deepest fears. But they'll throw their shoe in a pile. They'll debate chicken nuggets. They'll help wrap someone in toilet paper.
And somewhere in all that chaos, they make friends.
The Important Part
Last week we had a new family. Their daughter Mia stood by the door the whole first activity. Wouldn't even tell me her name.
By the shoe pile race she was watching. By human rock paper scissors she was laughing. By the mummy wrap she was IN IT. Full participant. Screaming strategies to her team.
Her mom texted me that night. Mia talked about church the whole way home. Asked if she could come back.
That's why we do the silly games. Not because they're profound. Because they work.
Even if Tyler still hides under tables sometimes. We're working on it.
Quick Tips From My Failures
Start with activities that don't require talking. Build up to sharing.
Have backup games. Sometimes they finish in 30 seconds. Sometimes they want to play the same thing seventeen times.
Bring extra toilet paper. And paper towels. And maybe a mop.
Some kid will take it too far. Emma threw the yarn ball AT someone's face. On purpose. Have a plan for that.
Let them fail. The sitting circle will collapse. The telephone pictionary will be nonsense. That's when they actually have fun.
Try One This Sunday
Pick one game. Just one. Try it.
It might flop. We played "frozen tag" once and nobody wanted to be unfrozen so everyone just stood there frozen for ten minutes staring at me.
But it might work. And that new kid might make a friend. And that's worth looking ridiculous.
Trust me. I've looked ridiculous for five years now. Still have kids coming back.
Even Tyler. Though he's under the table right now. Baby steps.
